What to expect when pregnant with a third baby

A new born baby
A new born baby
(image courtesy)

 

I have always wanted a big family, at least 5 children if time and resources allowed. Being brought up as an only child for 15 years with my late sister only coming when I was in High School, I missed having siblings and the taunting from my cousins who all siblings had made it even worse. The fact that I got to know my father after high school did not help matters at all. I always felt like a loner and it’s a feeling I have always dreaded. I never thrive in solitude.

The subject of how many kids to have is one that comes up in the course of courting. It’s important to have that conversation to avoid marital issues because one of you wanted five kids and the other only wanted one. Luckily, Mr. having been born in a modestly large family, also wanted more than one child. We left the rest to time, a higher power and resources (basic education in Kenya might be free but that doesn’t come with food and diapers).

Our two girls are now both of school going age and we thought 3 might be a good number to settle for as the cost of living and my body will not allow us to reach that mark of 5 children. With the government now requiring that we pay Nannies Ksh. 10,000, five kids require more than one Nanny and looking at how our household budget for everything (bills, foodstuff, clothing) doubles with every new born, we figured, it came down to, either one of us gets a job with the UN or we settle for 3 children.

I am now in my second trimester, an experience that is completely different from my previous two. The morning sickness was more intense lasting throughout the day on most days. I couldn’t stand any strong smells including my kids’ poop. I was tired all time.

So what should one expect when they already have 2 kids and another on the way;

a) Be Ready for the Many Questions

First and foremost, your friends, relatives and colleagues will start that conversation of ‘Kwani how many kids are you guys planning on having?” Since when did just having two kids become the standard? Any attempts to exceed this number is nowadays met with concerned looks and talk of “girl, I hope you know the cost of diapers and education is not coming down anytime soon”

During a church service a few weeks ago, the marriage counseling group was being introduced, one of the pastors mentioned that his wife had just had their fourth child and as it turned out, only two other couples had more than two children, all the other eight couples had either one or two kids.

It’s interesting to note that most of us have been run scared by the stories our parents told us of going without shoes and only wearing hand me downs because they were so many in the family and in most cases, the girls gave up their education for the boys.

We have somehow ingrained it into our minds to never be like our parents, bring up five kids and have them ‘suffer’. So yes, I braced myself for the questions on exactly how many kids we want. I keep saying we are aiming for Five just to see their reaction. The questions and comments I was not prepared for were from our girls.

I felt that our first born was old enough to get it when I say ”  I have a baby in the stomach” .At first she was excited and so was the sister. I was however not prepared for the avalanche of comments and questions;

“You swallowed the baby through your mouth?”

“When is the baby coming out?”

“Will it come out through the throat, up and out from the mouth?”

“Is the baby asleep, why is he not talking?”

“What’s his name?”

{Don’t ask why they have assumed it’s a boy already…}

b) Your Body is not the Same

My sister in law likened being pregnant to having a parasite. Not in a bad way, what she meant was that, the baby takes everything from you. All your nutrients and your precious calcium which you will soon realize is probably not enough for you both especially if you are getting your 3rd child at 30+ years.

I had always taken the advice doctors give on getting kids when one is young at face value. It now all makes sense. Having kids when older takes a real toll on your body especially your lower back. I am now in my 2nd trimester and already, I have to rely on calcium supplements.

I thought I was the only one going through this till I spoke to my friend who is due around the same date I am. We just laughed when she told me about how she is always tired, can’t walk as much as she used when pregnant with her other 2 kids.

I now feel for women who get kids in their 40s, I can only imagine the toll it takes on their bodies.


c) You will have gotten over Shopping & Pre-Natal excitement

Every woman I know over-shops for their first born, I am no exception. Somehow we still make the same mistake with the 2nd born as we always think we will get a child of a different sex. With a third born however, that excitement of shopping for new clothes is less. You we will buy some items as D-day approaches but just the essentials.
The prenatal visits will also not seem all that urgent. Yes they are important but you might not start them on month one or during the first trimester. Also you will not see the need to go for childbirth classes(unless you are going as a tutor)

d) The Labor will be Different
As you will come to learn, no two pregnancies are the same and the same goes for labor. There is a myth that the 2nd delivery is usually easier as the labor is usually shorter and less painful. That is not true, it’s just a myth. I had to be induced for the 2nd delivery and it hurt like hell. I actually tell fellow mothers that I underwent more pain and suffering in those hours of induced labor with our 2nd born than I did with our first born. Nothing is usually guaranteed.
The same goes for a third child. We all pray for an easier labor but it’s always safe to expect the worst.

This article from medical experts might also help you understand what to expect this time round. I feel I have gone through the most difficult phase as my morning sickness and irritation with smells has died down. I am somehow eager for it to show.

(image courtesy)

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2 comments

  1. Modern Mom Reply

    I am eager to get pregnant with my second. I’m smelling 30 and the thought of carrying them in my thirties depresses me. The fact that my hubby is not in the country and only visits a couple of times a year does not help the situation. 🙁

    On a different note, I linked to your blog on my post on Kenyan Mom Bloggers. You can take a look here…http://www.modernmomhq.com/2015/07/kenyan-mom-bloggers.html

    • admin Reply

      Hi Modern Mom,

      Thanks for sharing with us. I am sorry you are not able to plan as you would wish when to get pregnant. Thanks also for the link.

      AfroMum

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