Angela Basset got her groove back by going on an exotic Caribbean holiday and doing the dirty with an ‘exotic’ young Jamaican man. They fell in love in a roller coaster of romantic comedy drama and lived happily ever after in matrimonial bliss…where, as popular art and culture would have us believe, Stella proceeded to relax, and bid farewell to her groove once more.
‘Kujiachilia’ (no longer watching your weight & looks) is the one sin most women fear most. We whisper maliciously under our embittered, envious breaths how so and so has really let herself go after she tied down her poor, possibly neglected husband. We shake our heads and vow that it’ll never be us, strutting around town hairy armpits on display in a sleeveless blouse, in jeans rendered suddenly tight by ‘relationship weight’ or ‘baby fat’ and a muffin top peaking out that’s the envy of every baker mwitu on the streets.
“Two kids and she’s already so fat!”
So what happens when we find ourselves in just this situation? We lose our confidence. We internalize all the body shaming practices and go on to judge ourselves by the very impossible standards we impose on others. A loss of self confidence in one’s body image leads to very real insecurities in the intimacy department.
Is it possible to be sexy if you don’t feel sexy?
It’s in times like these that women turn to gurus like Gertrude Mungai to try and take back their sexiness. They suppose it’s ‘kuzoeana‘, taking each other for granted, that’s the cause of their general sexual frustration…which it may very well be…and Gertrude is meant to shake things up.
A few days ago, I came across the above poster. Getrude Mungai who has become the de-facto intimacy Guru for most Kenyan married couples was inviting women for a night of pole dancing, music and talk on intimacy and everything else that entails married women getting their groove back.
It got me thinking about the whole pole business and whether learning how to pole dance or erecting one in your bedroom changes things.
How long does the adrenaline rush last? Does the high last past the frustrations of the first week after a pole dancing session? Does the lesson solve all the underlying marital issues that are ruining your ‘groove’?
What about equal opportunity things? Sex is a two way street (mostly) and equality means husbands too can jiachilia (let themselves go). Why’s it only women out there learning how to spice things up when statistics say 80% of women have never had an orgasm? A pole dancing class for fun is a brilliant idea madam but will it save your marriage? Are you even doing it for a better sex life or is it just to show you chama ( women’s group) frenemies that no, you will never let yourself go?
For the ladies that took the pole dancing class for themselves, not to fill any holes or inadequacies they may have in their personal lives, but to learn a new skill and have fun while doing. A new, sexy hobby, as opposed to the latest in yuppie bridal fads on ‘How to keep your man satisfied,’ Go on girl! Get your groove on and keep it up. Don’t lose it just because next week a Nigerian pastor says doing it like animals is for devil worshipers.