Just fresh from a divorce process between him and his wife, Alvine Tangut could not believe that he would not be able to see his children every day.
He was okay with the loss of some of his property and having to pay alimony to his wife every month. What he was finding difficult to swallow was the fact that he would not see his children running to meet him every day after work. Scheduled visits were not his cup of tea and these would be timed as well.
This case is not unique and many men find themselves in awkward positions having to explain to their ex-wives and girlfriends the reasons why they should be allowed to have more time with their children than what was ordered by the court.
They say that they felt the courts are not very lenient with them as they would like. They also think that since romantic relationships often become destructive, competitive, negative and hostile after divorce, it can be quite difficult for them to be heard. As the processes take place, there are things they would like their exes to know,
- Unique Love
We bring something additional love into our kids lives that only fathers can bring. According to a review of studies by the Father Involvement Research Alliance, babies with more involved fathers are more likely to be emotionally secure, confident in new situations, and eager to explore their surroundings.
They become more sociable as they grow while toddlers with involved fathers are better problem-solvers and have higher IQs by age 3. They are more ready to start school and can deal with the stress of being away from home all day better than children with less involved fathers.
2.We also miss our children
Once the divorce is final or the relationship ends the men will seem like the devil reincarnate to their former women. This might influence how the women view the relationship between father and children and they see the dads as uncaring. They also think that the dads do not miss their children, which is not true. Dads do miss their children as well and would love to spend as much time with them as possible.
Despite the prevailing circumstances, dads wish they could parent with their baby mamas in a civil manner. They wish that you did not have to be enemies because of the past and hope that the relationship will become better for all parties involved. It can be quite difficult to talk about the welfare of the child if the two most important people in his life are bickering every day.
- We care about discipline
Dads also care about discipline but given the few hours that they spend with their children, it does not rank as the main agenda. That does not, however, mean that they will not respond as required if called upon to deal with the discipline of their child. Objective discussions between the two parents can help with meaningful solutions for the life of a child.
- I pray for you
If you are physically, spiritually, emotionally and financially okay it means that the child will be in good hands. Some of the religious single dads also pray for their baby mamas and petition for their well being.
- Incorporated values
Just because single dads do not have full custody of their children does not mean that they do not have any values that they would like to impart to their children. As long as they are good and beneficial to the children they should not be overruled by the mother.
- Less controlling
Some dads may find it difficult to not meddle with what is going on with their child when they are not with them. They would like to know what they are eating, sleeping, doing homework, who they are hanging out with, what they put on and so on.
It is normal for any parents to want to know what is going on in their child’s life all the time. Single dads have, however, come to the realization that they cannot control some things when the child is with you and are trying to work on it.
- Moving on in a healthy way
Divorce or separation can leave both parties in tears and in much pain. They have so much to handle such as property, children matters, division of the responsibilities at hand, alimony and so on. All these can be too much on a person that is trying to parent a child on their own or through co-parenting. Single dads also want you to know that they are trying their best to move on in a healthy manner.
- More time
For some single dads, four days every month or eight days every month is not enough and they would like more time with their child. They would like the two of you to have an agreement that will be agreed upon and that will let you spend as much time with your child as possible.