Destructive Relationships: when he finally drives you mad

Mad is an understatement, but it will do as we seek to describe what some women have become as a result of loving the wrong man. Some also became mad after loving the right man at the wrong time.

Jessica’s Story

In an interview with Afromum.com, Jessica narrated how her four-year relationship ended with her carrying her eight-month old baby girl on one hand and a big bag containing their clothes in another at 12.00 am, heading to Nairobi.

They were walking in the lonely, dark and narrow footpaths in Mariakani town after leaving her fiancé bleeding profusely thanks to the plate she threw at his face and landed on his nose.

No, she is not a violent woman who should go straight to the gallows. According to her account, she has never even won any fight because she has never engaged in one. The fight was caused by suppressed anger over the years due to countless incidents of cheating, so many treated Sexually Transmitted Diseases and emotional abuse that was brought to the fore by the latest incident.

“ My baby had been sick for three days and it was the first time I was visiting after his transfer so I didn’t know anyone in the town. He kept reassuring me that he is coming and when he finally came three days later, it was with a woman hanging on his elbow,” narrated Jessica.

The woman swept into the house like the queen of Sheba and went to the bedroom, dropped her things there without a care in the world. When Jessica asked who she was the lady answered that she was the woman of the house.

“ When I asked my baby daddy who she was he maintained silence. This reminded me of a similar incident where he brought a woman home and they slept in his bedroom while I slept on the sofa set in the sitting room,” she said.

“ This angered me so much and I took a plate and hit him with it. I had forgiven so much but for him to parade his other women in front of my face when my daughter was sick, was just too much for me to bear. I thought I had killed him and was just going to take my child to my mum and wait for the inevitable arrest,” she concluded.

The baby daddy did not die but it was the final straw on Jessica’s back because she never went back to him.

Fauzia’s Story

Fauzia defied religion, tribe all in the quest to having eternal happiness with her boyfriend. All was well until they started living together and were blessed with a child. That is where the journey of emotional torture to a very intelligent, charismatic, beautiful woman begun.

“ It was a nightmare, from day one but I was so determined to prove the nay sayers wrong. Remember people were already against our relationship because of tribe and religion plus I was more learned than he was. So I was out to prove them wrong,” explained Fauzia.

While it is normal for one to defend her relationship to death, her partner was doing the opposite. He was mean spirited, never contributed to the family or kitchen kitty, irresponsible and was also emotionally abusive. He also loved women in their droves and they loved him right back.

“ It was hell on earth but since we had a child, I did not want our child to grow up without a father,” said Fauzia

Fauzia tried to keep her marriage at all costs but finally had enough. Her husband came knocking again and they talked but agreed to keep different houses to enable him to change and call her when ready.

That did not happen as the house turned into a harem and when she realized this, Fauzia went over and destroyed everything in her former house including his certificates.

Goretti’s Story

After struggling and taking loans to start a business together with her husband, Goretti found herself out in the cold after he changed everything in his name and threw her out.

Penniless and haggard, she vowed to revenge and his car was the first casualty. She got all she could from his house as well and called his mum unprintable names for bringing a monster into this world.

All these women are beautiful, talented, law abiding, hardworking, with good temperament and were once very normal. As life would have it, they met the wrong men that took them for granted and mistreated them to the brink of insanity.

Now they are a shadow of their former selves, committing very serious crimes.
The best solution for someone in such a situation is to leave the toxic relationship. In most cases, nothing good comes from those relationships.

Take the first case, for instance, if the worst had happened she could have landed in jail and their daughter would have had to grow up without parents. The ladies would have been charged for assault, destruction of property, and trespass among other charges and this would have destroyed otherwise flourishing lives.

If we do not let go of the bad people in our lives then good people will never make it into our lives.Once you are out, it is important that you get professional help so that you can be able to heal and avoid such men in the future.

Some of the couples who have lived in such situations and may want to try again for yet another time can try the suggestions below from Psychology Today,

Realistic Expectations

Most people expect those around them to be thoughtful, logical, rational and reasonable but this does not always happen. It is, therefore, important that you have reasonable expectations of your partner according to their past behavior. After all, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.

Having realistic expectations will help you minimize the anger, disappointment and upset that you experience every time. Just because you are reasonable, do not expect those around you to be like you.

You can control your response to the behavior of others

It is very difficult to control other people’s behaviors but the good news is that we can control our response to how they behave. You do not have to agree with them or accept what they are doing but you can say no to things that you feel do not serve your interest.

Look at the bigger picture

Sometimes we get so mad and frustrated by the small, things that other people do to us. It would be better if we ignored the small things and looked at the bigger picture. As long as you are not in any physical danger or are being tortured psychologically, it is okay to let go of some things.

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