We Reverence the Virtuous Woman but do we Appreciate her?

Proverbs 31 is a very popular chapter among the Christians. So popular is this chapter that I heard it several times, in different kinds of scenarios before actually sitting down with my bible to read the verse for myself.

I heard it in a sermon in church and during several weddings as the pastor sought to help the good ladies become even better wives. Every bridal shower has a friend or two who will also quote a verse or two during the advice stage and guess which one always make it to the favorite list of verses? Yeah, you guessed right, Proverbs 31.

When your mother is trying to decipher the reasons why you are still not Mrs. somebody at your age she will use this verse to nudge you in the right direction.
So what about the Proverbs 31 woman, also known as the virtuous woman keeps people talking ever since the author of the book written about her so many years ago?

The virtuous woman is good, kind and has gained the trust of her husband. She is very diligent dealing in wool, and flax. She brings her food from far and also feeds her house and servants on meat. She looks for land and buys it ostensibly with her money, gives to the poor makes her own tapestry and dressed in the best clothing which is silk and purple.

In addition to this, she will make fine linen and girdles and sell them. Oh, and the tongue so many of us are unable to tame? She can take that as well and use kindness and wisdom in her words. This woman is never idle as evidenced by the backbreaking labor she engages in, she also fears God and the things she has been able to achieve speak for her.

Ei this woman is exemplary and quite admirable who wouldn’t want to marry her including me if only I was a man. So many women I know and don’t know on a personal level personify the woman I have described above. Well, not exactly but they do come close.

However, there is a difference between his woman and many other women out there and it comes in verse 28 of the chapter where it reads, Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

For a section of women in our society no matter what they do, how they do it or their achievements for themselves and their families they never get appreciated by their husbands and kids like the Proverbs 31 woman

What they get instead is an entitled lay about who never help with anything around the house and just wait for their mother to do everything. The mum in the household is just a little higher than a servant that caters to everybody without so much as a thank you.

They are cooks, chauffeurs, cleaners, nurses, teachers, and if your husband is a politician or has any other kind of demanding job you have to be there and handle the many visitors, attend their functions with them or on their behalf, and solve problems that have nothing to do with you. All these things are done beside her normal duties.

Here are some things that happen to a woman who is not appreciated, virtuous or not,

1. Disconnection

When unappreciated in the home, some women start feeling disconnected and not as part of partnerships. They get disconnected to their husbands and children and just move with the motions.

2. Resentment
If you do so much for people without appreciation you tend to get resentful and this happens with our women and mothers as well. Some may not show it at all but others will actually voice their sentiments, whenever they can.

3. Divorce/Separation

Divorce and separation are both ugly consequences of a woman feeling underappreciated and this often brings devastating results in the family. After the divorce, some women actually thrive than when they were in marriages.

4, Negative Attitude in the Home

Unappreciated women may start having a negative attitude to you, your children, visitors, your family, pets and everyone else. Very small things can trigger her anger and her attitude can make the entire household miserable.

4. Seek validation elsewhere

Dear husbands, some women who are not appreciated may seek validation elsewhere and this can be in the arms of another man. Such situations never end well for all involved but they can be avoided by you doing some things for your woman.

5. Keep pointing out her qualities

Women who may feel unappreciated may feel the need to point out their redeeming qualities such as beauty, intelligence, ability in the kitchen and so on. This hardly works for them as well and they may eventually think of other ways to protest the lack of appreciation and here you can refer to numbers 3 and 4.

How can the situation be reversed?

1. You should appreciate her on a regular basis. Thank her for everything she does for you and the children.
2. Validate her and use words of validation on her to let her know you do appreciate her important qualities.
3. The man of the house and the kids can take on some of the responsibilities so that she not only feels appreciated but has time to rest as well. We all need to rest from time to time.
4. Make time for her and also ensure that she is a priority in your life. The time should be exclusively for her where you have dates, night outs, joint adventures and so on. This will make her feel loved, appreciated, cared for and not taken for granted.
5. Be compassionate or what the woman of the house is going through at work, with her family, friends and so on. You should also understand her upbringing, be present and forgiving. Do not always strive to be right but also try to see where is coming from in the conversation.
6. Women love to express themselves by talking and sharing their problems. Sometimes they do not require you to troubleshoot or fix the problem, just a listening ear without judgment or offering advice is what matters during those times.

Apart from taking on some of her responsibilities, the kids can buy her simple treats, leave her notes, order some flowers, make her simple gifts and so on. As much as we emphasize on the Proverbs 31 woman, let us also appreciate all that she does for us.



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