5 Reasons Why you Should not Celebrate Valentines Day

A vintage Valentine
A vintage Valentine
A vintage Valentine

Valentines day has become as over-hyped as Christmas with the main beneficiaries being brands that get to sell you anything from a bouquet of red flowers to a getaway trip to destinations only tourists frequent.

There was a time when these two holidays did not define how much you loved your folks back at home or how much you loved your significant other. Unfortunately, a lot of us have let these two days define our lives or commitment to those we love.

I often tell my friends, its the other 364 days that should let you know how your spouse/boyfriend/fiance really expresses their feelings for you. That one day, 14th February, is doomed to go wrong from the morning when you wake up to the last minute as you close your eyes to sleep and should not be the only measure in a year of your love.

To say that the pressure will be more than that of a shaken bottle of soda is an understatement. You might even make her/him not speak to you for days for failing to “do  something for me this valentine”

However, how you use the justifications below and how you set the mood to have this candid conversation, will determine whether they will think you are the most practical person or they will think you are broke jerk trying to ‘slide on this one’.

1. Everything will be in short supply
This is the only time all evils agree to work together to make this the day you can’t find that one item that your wife/husband has been wishing/asking for. Everything is usually in short supply and hence the crazy mark up. The fancy Chocolate boxes will have gone out of stock or the few remaining will cost like an eighth of an acre in Syokimau. When I say everything, I mean even the patience, understanding etc etc.

2. All that could go wrong will go wrong
Unless you started planning last year on 15th Feb, if you are waiting for that morning to decide what to do, what to buy, where to go etc, you are already doomed to fail. The only thing that will go right is you finding Njoroge or Kamau by the street corner selling led loses(red roses) at Ksh.2,000 per bouquet.

Even when everything works out, you will go to that one restaurant that will be playing very unromantic music and she will insist that you get them to play her song. The management won’t care if you are buying everything on the menu.

3. Whatever you do will not be good enough
The expectations women develop for things they expect to happen on valentines can only be equated to this;- Them riding a unicorn over the clouds as the angels sing and they land in an ocean of chocolate served by men who look like Tyrese, Djimon Honsou or Morris Chestnut.

There is nothing you will do on this day that will be enough. Not taking her to Caramel and ordering the most expensive item on the menu, chances are, she might get gas and blame you, get too high and blame you, feel the waiter is not treating her well and blame you, be too tired to make love and blame you. I think you get the drift. Even if you propose on this day with  a diamond ring, she will still find the diamonds too small or ask why you didn’t take her atop of the KICC and propose there  kneeling on one knee to the light of a full moon.

4. You will be outdone

Women speak all the time, before, during and after. We compare notes on whose husband/boyfriend is more romantic, more tasteful and anything else that should determine their love for us.

You are bound to be outdone by some other chap who will  hire a helicopter or book Sauti Sol to serenade his woman the whole evening.

5. Once you set the bar, there is no going below it

If none of the other reasons above have convinced you that Valentines is from hell, then this should get you  thinking twice. If you decide to buy a rose this year, next year it has to be a bouquet, the next, a flower farm and after that, you will just have to own places like Naivasha that are full of flower farms. That my friends is the danger of setting a precedent for Valentines and being sucked into its allure of romantic things to buy, do or places to go. Whatever you plan for this year, next year you will have to take it a notch higher.

If all the above tips don’t work, brace yourself.

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