The fact that chivalry is dead in Kenya and in other countries around the world is an open secret. Would you believe that some of the reasons touted for causing this unfortunate death are that men are afraid of offending women or being told that they are patronizing? Who thinks they are being patronized or gets offended when good things are done for them? Certainly not me, not in this world, or in the next one!
Psychologist and relationship expert Donna Dawson said: ‘There seems to be a “disconnect” between what women appreciate in terms of little chivalric gestures from men, and how men think women want to be treated.
I agree with the psychologist and would like to make it clear that the message for giving women equal rights was basically meant for the workplace, when seeking education, property and so on. It did not mean that they should start treating women callously.Chivalry means very polite, honest, and kind behaviour, especially by men towards women.
Now I am preparing for a date but am not even excited because who knows what I will be subjected to tonight? As I go for the date, I can’t help but think about some of the chivalrous acts I would like to see from our men.
- Carry Heavy Loads
Ever seen the very sad picture of a woman carrying a baby on her back, a load on her head and swinging a paper bag full of groceries in each hand as she walks beside her man? The man will be seen swinging his hands freely and laughing a joke he probably cracked himself as the poor woman trudges along. I wish more men would realize that they are physically stronger than women and help with big loads.
- Pay for the first date
Personally, I have no problem treating a man or going Dutch when on a date. However, this should be on subsequent dates and not the first date. I feel the man should pay on the first date, especially, if he is the one who requested for it. We can have other arrangements as we get to know each other.
- Please let me order
Ever had someone who totally overrides your interests on a date? They will choose where to go and even order for you at the restaurant. This will be in total disregard to your preferences, allergies (if any), religious convictions and so on. Men this needs to change.
- Offer her your coat when cold
Yeah, yeah I know some women never return your hoodies, coats, and sweaters each time you offer them when it is cold. That is wrong and ladies you should change on this. However, it is quite absurd walking beside a woman who is shivering as you feel warm.
- Ensure her safety
After meeting a lady, some men will just send her on her way without a backward glance. Our streets can be quite unsafe with thieves, petty pickpockets, street urchins, violent sports hooligans and so on. It is always good to ensure that your lady is home safely and if this is not possible, you should take her to her bus terminus and ensure she is safe in a good form of transport.
- Help her move
Moving can be hectic and the process starts from the point when you have to deal with unscrupulous house agents in the name of house hunting. Once you have identified the ideal house you have to source for transport that will carry your belongings. Having your man around to help you move and also arrange them in the new house can make things much easier.
- Help to buy electronics
Men are generally better at choosing electronics such as televisions, radios, refrigerators, and mobile phones. This is because they are not just carried away by aesthetics but also think logically about the features and practicality of the gadget in relation to its price. It is for this reason that most women prefer shopping for electronics with their men. The latter should help in this every time they are requested.
- Remember your special days
This is always so controversial with men claiming that they find it very difficult to remember special days such as birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine’s Day and so on. Well, women have been accepting this excuse for a long time but smartphones have changed the game for us. Please note the special days and put a reminder on your phone. Make that day special.
- Hold the door open for her
This sounds so cliché but holding the door for you woman will make her feel special and appreciated. Some men just leave you behind after walking through a door and if it hits you on your face too bad. This applies to both doors in buildings and the car door as well.
- Little surprises
Men tend to relax after you have accepted to be their wife or girlfriend. No more dates, chocolates, treats and in some instances, you have to wage a full-blown war to get money for the salon or spa. Dear men, we feel good when you take care of us in the little ways. We do appreciate the piece of land you have bought for us in Kamulu and the house you are constructing for us in the village. However, we also love it when you remind us why we fell in love with you in the first place.